You’re pretty sure you know exactly how your life is going to play out, but the twists and turns come, revealing all that you intuitively tried to bury in the ‘that won’t happen’ pile making you cross, disillusioned and surly.
This has oftentimes happened to me, so here is my confession, with the hope of being able to unravel the mystery of it all!
Lately I have been experiencing these phenomena on a more than regular basis, which in honesty, has not been my preference! Recently, an experience caught me off guard and it has taken me quite some time to process my reaction and find the crossroads that give me the opportunity to choose which direction I am going to take.
Now, I know that Holy Spirit works all things into a magical, seamless and timeless beauty called my identity, and that despite the perceived discomfort and pain, the resulting artwork is worth the exertion.
And I suspect that He has led me to this place before, but unlike this time, I have quickly immersed whatever intuition I’ve had about it, into the deepest well I can find. This time however, I was unable to avoid the collision of present and past, having finally to face it head on.
Slightly bemused, I sat there, looking at an inanimate object that encapsulated my childhood memories, colouring my perspective of that time in my life and somehow causing the colours to mix together in a not so inviting way.
My heart wanted to be glad at the intricacies of how Holy Spirit constructs these events, and wonder in awe at his creativity to help me release what holds me back.
But my mind somehow found a way to hold hands with something darkened, not quite dark, yet dark enough to smooth the edges from an otherwise very sharp and explosive time of revelation.
And so now I am left with the choice, which path to continue down. I know the well-trodden path here. I know where the cracks are and which stones are loose and how to step over them. I know the turns and the lay of the land.
It’s safe. It bears an unkind familiarity. I have the scars to prove it.
But then there is the path that I’ve not noticed before. It’s smaller, and I can’t quite make out the lay of the land or where the bends are.
I stand, in an impasse for a time.
That which I know, is painful. Yet it’s familiarity breeds a certain feeling of uneasy comfort, as I know the pain and it knows me. That which I’ve only seen a glimpse of is a place of total mystery, which bears no familiarity and no sense of safety or comfort.
My conclusion is that this is a familiar place – the crossroads. I know that many speak of this place in their own journeys and so I am not alone in the space between time, where one stands at the juncture.
This time I instinctively know that I will choose the new path. It’s in my mind. I know that I am choosing a head decision over a heart decision. I’m making a choice based on logic and faith entwined.
My God shall supply all my needs.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
God has never let me down in past times of deepened challenge.
I will trust in Him.
None of this is coming from my emotions. My emotions are out on the edge of reality and have quite frankly disconnected themselves to have their own little pity party.
I’m choosing life over death.
Faith over doubt.
Peace over fear.
Future over past.
Eventually, my emotions will come home, tail between their legs, back into line. In the meantime, I will maintain my course without them and begin the journey onto the unexpected path.