Well, as I look back upon this last 2 years, I am close to astonished to see all that has happened and how I have travelled through it. It’s been almost 18 months since my beloved Dad went to be with Jesus and the roller coaster between grief and peace is one I hope not to ride again for a long long time. I think all in all, I lost a good 4 or 5 months, possibly the whole of the first half of the year in a state between bewilderment and denial.
Then quite suddenly, once I finally sat down to write out all that I needed to release from the cage inside my broken heart, the heaviness began to lift. It sometimes peaks in, now and then, and of course in unexpected ways… I suspect that will always be the case, regardless of the passage of time. But in writing I found a depth of intimacy and release that I had not expected.
It was in pouring out my pent up emotions and my questions and broken heart onto paper, that I could process all that had been holding my life in limbo. It was through the pen that clarity came as I read back through tear stained glasses, and saw His hand upon every single day of the journey, especially the days that I was sure I would just collapse and never rise again.
My heart is to see one and all freed from the things that bind us and if you are finding yourself trudging through a bit of miry clay at the moment, please know that you are not alone. Please know that there is One who knows your struggles, your grief and your frustrations. Be encouraged that His ear is continually tuned in to your voice and as you reach out to Him, He will answer with a heart that loves you beyond any love you’ve ever known.
I have found that during my lowest times, it is the voice of Jesus that draws me back into the safe habour of His heart. It’s his love that nestles me back underneath the shadow of His wings (Psalm 91) and it’s His sacrifice for me that brings my mind back into a place of recognition that through Him I can do all things and can walk this sometimes sludgy and difficult road.
So take a deep breath and allow yourself time to embrace His heart for you. I guarentee you will not be disappointed. And regarding the practical sense (for those who love a to-do list), grab a pen and some paper, or your laptop and start to let that flood loose. Find a time when you won’t be disrupted and a place where you can release every emotion you need to in the way that just comes from these darker days. Once you release the latch on this cage, it will be painful. I know. I’ve been there and it hurts. But it’s the kind of pain that once released, frees you to breathe again.
I encourage you, whoever you are, whatever has happened in your life: you are not alone. Jesus wants to free you from all that binds you and His heart is to see you unfettered and released. You are not the circumstances that you find yourself in right now. You are so much more than that. Let Him show you – you might just get a surprise 🙂