Do you believe your own press? Today I am undecided. Lately it seems there are two of me. The one who I see today and the one who I desire to be. It’s not that I’m having a mental breakdown. In fact I think it’s quite the opposite. It’s like I can see parallel tracks and at some point I know they will merge..but they haven’t just yet 🙂
So what am I to do with this revelation? I can’t go backward. And it seems I’m a little stuck in the going forward department. It feels like I am tacking, that my sails have dropped and despite knowing that somehow the destination remains resolute, I have to choose what to do next. It’s a bit strange here out in the middle of the sea, the waves tossing my little sail boat around a bit.
I’ve been spending a lot if time in thought over the past few weeks. A lot of time. And what I am beginning to see is a great deal if personal fragility coming to the surface…stuff thats been buried perhaps a bit too long and in truth it’s really hard. I see myself pulling back and getting scared and then not moving forward at all. Becoming confused, stalling and rehashing my choices.
I think there is a point where one perhaps needs to stop trying to program the future and just simply step in and not look back 🙂
Getting there is a little easier than said. I think I’m somewhere in the middle of the journey. Perhaps that’s okay too…